I find it amazing how God so often teaches us to love the things we never expected to love (or even like). For some it takes perseverance and discipline to learn to love something
that God calls you to and for others it is a sudden joy in an activity.
For some people, it is public speaking, for others, serving through hospitality. Still others- teaching or singing, and others- activities like running or hiking. For me, it was motherhood. I always knew I would love to be a wife. Being married to Jordan has been my greatest joy in this life. I never expected to love being a mom. I have always been the one that had no interest in children or babies. I've enjoyed teaching older children in a professional situation, but in any other situation, I am more than happy to have the children be watched or held by others. I knew I wanted kids in the distant future, but, like I said, that was a distant future and I would deal with it then. My mom loved being a mom, so I hoped that I would too.
Before Jordan and I were married, I knew that we had chosen to not put off having children. I had come to an intellectual understanding that children were a blessing from the Lord and that He desired for us to be 'fruitful and multiply.' (Gen 1:28) My distant future had become an immediate future. All through my pregnancy, I could still not imagine myself as a mother. I hoped that once I was finally holding my baby, I would understand.
Well, we had our little baby and I was left in awe of the little miracle he was. I was immediately protective and 'motherly', however, the intense love that I had hoped would come did not come right away. It was about two weeks later, after my baby blues had passed, as I was out for a walk on a bright blue day, that I suddenly realized that I was a mother and that I loved it!
During those previous two weeks, I had been struggling with trusting God for His timing in bestowing His little blessings (or great blessings, as I now know them to be). My intellectual understanding wasn't holding up when I was faced with my own sinful fears and doubts. As I grappled with my thoughts on the matter, God, in His infinite faithfulness, changed my heart. My fears of having 13 children in 10 years, He has changed to joy at the thought of having more little blessings to fill our hearts and lives with love. I am so thankful for the lessons God teaches us, in His own timing and way. I know that, being a human, I will probably struggle again with these thoughts, as is often the case. However, I know that if I am humble, God will be faithful to change my heart to His.
Now, as I think of my new job, my heart is filled to overflowing with joy for this gift God has given me. It is second only to my joy of being a wife (which of course, is second in comparison to my joy that God has chosen me for His child.) My love for my little Oliver grows each day. I am so thankful to both my mother and Jordan's mother for teaching us how to love and how to love God, and so thankful to God for teaching me to love that which I once feared.
Before Jordan and I were married, I knew that we had chosen to not put off having children. I had come to an intellectual understanding that children were a blessing from the Lord and that He desired for us to be 'fruitful and multiply.' (Gen 1:28) My distant future had become an immediate future. All through my pregnancy, I could still not imagine myself as a mother. I hoped that once I was finally holding my baby, I would understand.
Well, we had our little baby and I was left in awe of the little miracle he was. I was immediately protective and 'motherly', however, the intense love that I had hoped would come did not come right away. It was about two weeks later, after my baby blues had passed, as I was out for a walk on a bright blue day, that I suddenly realized that I was a mother and that I loved it!
During those previous two weeks, I had been struggling with trusting God for His timing in bestowing His little blessings (or great blessings, as I now know them to be). My intellectual understanding wasn't holding up when I was faced with my own sinful fears and doubts. As I grappled with my thoughts on the matter, God, in His infinite faithfulness, changed my heart. My fears of having 13 children in 10 years, He has changed to joy at the thought of having more little blessings to fill our hearts and lives with love. I am so thankful for the lessons God teaches us, in His own timing and way. I know that, being a human, I will probably struggle again with these thoughts, as is often the case. However, I know that if I am humble, God will be faithful to change my heart to His.
Now, as I think of my new job, my heart is filled to overflowing with joy for this gift God has given me. It is second only to my joy of being a wife (which of course, is second in comparison to my joy that God has chosen me for His child.) My love for my little Oliver grows each day. I am so thankful to both my mother and Jordan's mother for teaching us how to love and how to love God, and so thankful to God for teaching me to love that which I once feared.
Psalm 127:3-5
Behold, children are a heritage
from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand
of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who
fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks
with his enemies in the gate.
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